Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Mon Dec 06, 2021 10:21 am

bnemec · Unread post by **bnemec** » Tue Dec 07, 2021 9:08 am

Crossed my mind to create a second account here, username "Nobody" then go like everybody's posts.

mike miller · Unread post by **mike miller** » Tue Dec 07, 2021 9:12 am

: 2021-12-07 09_11_16.jpg (52.71 KiB) Viewed 7120 times

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Tue Dec 07, 2021 10:03 am

KaMei · Unread post by **KaMei** » Wed Dec 08, 2021 4:43 am

mike miller · Unread post by **mike miller** » Wed Dec 08, 2021 8:18 am

KaMei wrote: ↑Wed Dec 08, 2021 4:43 amWireCharmer.jpg

Someone was sniffing the PVC cement!

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Wed Dec 08, 2021 9:41 am

KaMei · Unread post by **KaMei** » Thu Dec 09, 2021 1:47 am

KaMei · Unread post by **KaMei** » Fri Dec 10, 2021 1:57 am

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Fri Dec 10, 2021 2:44 pm

Book sold all his when he left the abbey.
Simon's got seized by the feds.
Kaylee has a mining rig in the engine room.
River knows all the codes to break the blockchain transactions.

KaMei · Unread post by **KaMei** » Mon Dec 13, 2021 2:34 am

KaMei · Unread post by **KaMei** » Wed Dec 15, 2021 1:49 am

KaMei · Unread post by **KaMei** » Thu Dec 16, 2021 2:04 am

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Thu Dec 16, 2021 9:20 am

Lucille decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel.. When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.
⁪
She demanded to know why the charge was so high "I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $250..00 for just an overnight stay - I didn't even have breakfast!"
⁪
The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate,' and breakfast had been included had she wanted it.
⁪
She insisted on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use."
⁪
"But I didn't use them."
⁪
'Well, they are here, and you could have." He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous. "We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here."
⁪
"But I didn't go to any of those shows.."
⁪
"Well, we have them, and you could have."
⁪
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response.
⁪
After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him. The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check.
⁪
"But Madam, this check is for only $50.00"
⁪
"That's correct I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me."
⁪
"But I didn't!"
⁪
"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have." —

mike miller · Unread post by **mike miller** » Thu Dec 16, 2021 9:33 am

KaMei wrote: ↑Thu Dec 16, 2021 2:04 am 6184f333c4f28_0ike1vawltr71__700.jpg

I need to put that on my SWX splash screen.

mike miller · Unread post by **mike miller** » Fri Dec 17, 2021 4:04 pm

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Tue Dec 21, 2021 9:13 am

In theatres now!

KaMei · Unread post by **KaMei** » Thu Dec 23, 2021 1:58 am

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Wed Dec 29, 2021 11:51 am

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Thu Dec 30, 2021 8:20 am

Pretty much. . .

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Sun Jan 02, 2022 10:22 am

Science humor

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Sun Jan 02, 2022 10:28 am

SamSpade · Unread post by **SamSpade** » Tue Jan 04, 2022 12:57 pm

SamSpade · Unread post by **SamSpade** » Tue Jan 04, 2022 12:58 pm

SamSpade · Unread post by **SamSpade** » Tue Jan 04, 2022 12:59 pm

establ · Unread post by **establ** » Wed Jan 05, 2022 4:38 pm

KaMei · Unread post by **KaMei** » Thu Jan 06, 2022 2:18 am

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Thu Jan 06, 2022 9:10 am

mattpeneguy · Unread post by **mattpeneguy** » Thu Jan 06, 2022 9:37 am

DennisD wrote: ↑Thu Jan 06, 2022 9:10 amimage.png

: image.png (216.77 KiB) Viewed 6445 times

He could probably give a pilot a heart attack...

establ · Unread post by **establ** » Thu Jan 06, 2022 11:34 am

https://www.google.com/maps/@42.9913479 ... a=!3m1!1e3

DanPihlaja · Unread post by **DanPihlaja** » Thu Jan 06, 2022 11:49 am

mattpeneguy wrote: ↑Thu Jan 06, 2022 9:37 am image.png
He could probably give a pilot a heart attack...

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Fri Jan 07, 2022 9:41 am

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Fri Jan 07, 2022 9:52 am

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Mon Jan 10, 2022 8:25 am

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Tue Jan 11, 2022 12:18 pm

SPerman · Unread post by **SPerman** » Tue Jan 11, 2022 1:05 pm

KaMei · Unread post by **KaMei** » Thu Jan 13, 2022 2:19 am

KaMei · Unread post by **KaMei** » Fri Jan 14, 2022 2:02 am

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Tue Jan 18, 2022 9:23 am

Too good to not share. . .

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Wed Jan 19, 2022 6:56 pm

And I agree with them!

KaMei · Unread post by **KaMei** » Thu Jan 20, 2022 3:17 am

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Thu Jan 20, 2022 10:16 am

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Fri Jan 21, 2022 8:52 am

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Fri Jan 21, 2022 9:40 am

A Winchester woman driving along at speed passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk & asked,
'What's your hurry?'
She replied, 'I'm late for work.'
'Oh yeah,' said the cop, 'what do you do?'
'I'm a Rectum Stretcher,' she responded.
The cop stammered, 'A what?'
'A Rectum Stretcher!'
'And just what does a rectum stretcher do?'
'Well,' she said, 'I start by inserting one finger in the rectum, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet'
'And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot arsehole?' he asked.
'You give him a radar gun & park him behind a bridge.'

SamSpade · Unread post by **SamSpade** » Fri Jan 21, 2022 10:08 am

DennisD · Unread post by **DennisD** » Sat Jan 22, 2022 2:09 pm

zxys001 · Unread post by **zxys001** » Wed Jan 26, 2022 12:19 pm

Priorities!

KaMei · Unread post by **KaMei** » Thu Jan 27, 2022 1:41 am

Jaylin Hochstetler · Thu Jan 27, 2022 2:16 pm

This was on a cloud service we use...

I don't think PDFs existed back then.

Glenn Schroeder · Thu Jan 27, 2022 2:49 pm

Jaylin Hochstetler wrote: ↑Thu Jan 27, 2022 2:16 pm This was on a cloud service we use...
Modified 52 Years Ago.jpg
I don't think PDFs existed back then.

I haven't seen that, but I once had File Explorer show the time a file was saved, and it was several minutes in the future. Unfortunately I didn't save a screenshot.