Page 8 of 35

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Wed Jul 07, 2021 9:36 am
by Ömür Tokman
Glenn Schroeder wrote: Wed Jul 07, 2021 8:19 am I also went to one once. I was with my son and daughter-in-law. I would not return without similar guides. If I went alone I would either never find what I wanted or become lost and wander around for days.
;;
Frankly, my wife found the exit,
I was so angry at that time that I was looking for someone to punch. :)
At one point, I thought about calling the police hotline and asking for help.

This is exactly how I was when I walked out of ikea's door. (""" oa """)

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Wed Jul 07, 2021 10:34 am
by MJuric
Ömür Tokman wrote: Wed Jul 07, 2021 7:20 am I went to ikea once and decided not to go again. I was nervous. You cannot leave without visiting the entire maza for a shopping that will take 5 minutes in total. It was a nerve wracking experience for me.
Yep, that's on purpose. The stores are designed to force the customer to traverse as much of the store as possible with the idea that the more you walk the more you look at the more you'll buy. They also dribble the same product throughout the entire floor/store. So instead of having all the glasses in one place, they have some here, some there, some over there...again to make you look at everything.

Personally I found it so wasteful and inefficient that I have no intentions of ever stepping into another one of their stores again. When I'm in a store I'm hunting, not on a Sunday Stroll for the fun of it.

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Wed Jul 07, 2021 11:28 am
by SamSpade
MJuric wrote: Wed Jul 07, 2021 10:34 am Yep, that's on purpose. The stores are designed to force the customer to traverse as much of the store as possible with the idea that the more you walk the more you look at the more you'll buy. They also dribble the same product throughout the entire floor/store. So instead of having all the glasses in one place, they have some here, some there, some over there...again to make you look at everything.

Personally I found it so wasteful and inefficient that I have no intentions of ever stepping into another one of their stores again. When I'm in a store I'm hunting, not on a Sunday Stroll for the fun of it.
No need to pay the entrance fee at a carnival funhouse, when you can go to your local Ikea store for the same dizzying effect. The couple of times my wife had dragged me there, I had always left with a nauseating feeling. >>>

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Wed Jul 07, 2021 12:02 pm
by mattpeneguy
image.png

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Wed Jul 07, 2021 12:03 pm
by mattpeneguy
image.png

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2021 2:00 am
by KaMei
BreadManShopping.jpg

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2021 8:07 am
by DennisD
KaMei wrote: Thu Jul 08, 2021 2:00 am BreadManShopping.jpg
Oh, THAT guy! He's just a big loafer.

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2021 9:05 am
by DennisD
image.png
image.png (288.76 KiB) Viewed 4619 times

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2021 10:27 am
by SamSpade
DennisD wrote: Thu Jul 08, 2021 8:07 am Oh, THAT guy! He's just a big loafer.
That guy kneads to be the toast of the town, you know things are going to go a rye when he's around.

Sorry, I couldn't help myself. <()>

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2021 1:24 pm
by mattpeneguy
image.png
For scale, are those US or Metric washing machines?

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2021 1:26 pm
by mattpeneguy
image.png
Pull the toast out, or give it a few more minutes?

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2021 1:52 pm
by DennisD
mattpeneguy wrote: Thu Jul 08, 2021 1:24 pm
image.png
image.png (287.9 KiB) Viewed 4598 times
For scale, are those US or Metric washing machines?
They originally stated the hole was the size of a Smart car, but reconsidered. First they realized the hole was bigger than that. Second was that Missourians and Kansans didn't really know what a Smart car was, and those that did thought they were Stupid.

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2021 2:18 pm
by mattpeneguy
DennisD wrote: Thu Jul 08, 2021 1:52 pm They originally stated the hole was the size of a Smart car, but reconsidered. First they realized the hole was bigger than that. Second was that Missourians and Kansans didn't really know what a Smart car was, and those that did thought they were Stupid.
Why not provided the measurement in terms that the MO people would understand, like wheelbarrows of snow or something?

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2021 2:24 pm
by jcapriotti
mattpeneguy wrote: Thu Jul 08, 2021 1:26 pm image.png

Pull the toast out, or give it a few more minutes?
Hey, a s'more maker.

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2021 2:32 pm
by DennisD
mattpeneguy wrote: Thu Jul 08, 2021 2:18 pm Why not provided the measurement in terms that the MO people would understand, like wheelbarrows of snow or something?
"The hole was half the size of an F-350." Nailed it!!

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2021 3:17 pm
by DanPihlaja
SamSpade wrote: Wed Jul 07, 2021 11:28 am No need to pay the entrance fee at a carnival funhouse, when you can go to your local Ikea store for the same dizzying effect. The couple of times my wife had dragged me there, I had always left with a nauseating feeling. >>>

Local. HA! I have never stepped foot in one....
image.png

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2021 3:43 pm
by mike miller

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2021 3:51 pm
by DennisD
mike miller wrote: Thu Jul 08, 2021 3:43 pm This is a joke, right? https://blog.zoom.us/zoom-pronoun-sharing/ <()>
Is "nope" a pronoun?

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2021 3:59 pm
by mattpeneguy
mike miller wrote: Thu Jul 08, 2021 3:43 pm This is a joke, right? https://blog.zoom.us/zoom-pronoun-sharing/ <()>
I see an opportunity here...I'm going to edit my Zoom profile to use first person pronouns referring to me (I, me, mine, myself)...Should help with my work load too because it will be impossible for anyone to assign anything to me because they will always have to refer to themselves when referencing the assignment. "Matt is good with similar projects, so Project X will be assigned to me."

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2021 4:05 pm
by mike miller
mattpeneguy wrote: Thu Jul 08, 2021 3:59 pm I see an opportunity here...I'm going to edit my Zoom profile to use first person pronouns referring to me (I, me, mine, myself)...Should help with my work load too because it will be impossible for anyone to assign anything to me because they will always have to refer to themselves when referencing the assignment. "Matt is good with similar projects, so Project X will be assigned to me."
Nothing is off-limits because they are forced to be "inclusive". So if I identify as a fully-vaccinated Nazi armadillo............ :lol:

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2021 5:06 pm
by DennisD
mattpeneguy wrote: Thu Jul 08, 2021 3:59 pm I see an opportunity here...I'm going to edit my Zoom profile to use first person pronouns referring to me (I, me, mine, myself)...Should help with my work load too because it will be impossible for anyone to assign anything to me because they will always have to refer to themselves when referencing the assignment. "Matt is good with similar projects, so Project X will be assigned to me."
Be sure to add "BRILLIANT" to your list of pronouns because that is what your plan is!

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jul 09, 2021 7:57 am
by DennisD
And another one is kicked off the olympic team. . .
image.png

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jul 09, 2021 10:31 am
by mattpeneguy
It's amazing the difference a filter can make...
image.png

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jul 09, 2021 11:06 am
by mattpeneguy
image.png
PANIC!

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jul 09, 2021 11:45 am
by DennisD
mattpeneguy wrote: Fri Jul 09, 2021 11:06 am
image.png
PANIC!
Alarmist-1: "That's global warming for you."

Normal person: "But that's the Sun. It's not even the Earth."

Alarmist-2: "That's even worse!"

Normal person: "The surface of the Sun is always on fire. Actually, it is covered with an ongoing nuclear conflagration."

Alarmist-1: "OH MY GOD!"

Normal person: "You don't even believe in God."

Alarmist-2: "That's global warming for you, even God got burned up!"

Normal person walking away saying to himself: "Why do I bother? You can't talk to these people."

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2021 4:36 am
by KaMei
EmpireDoesntCare.jpg

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2021 7:41 am
by DennisD
image.png

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2021 1:18 pm
by mattpeneguy
image.png

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2021 1:28 pm
by DennisD
image.png

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2021 1:42 pm
by mattpeneguy
image.png

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2021 2:09 pm
by MJuric
DennisD wrote: Tue Jul 13, 2021 1:28 pmimage.png
That one isn't a joke....it's true.

I don't know how many European companies you work with but at certain times of the year it's nigh on impossible to get something from them. It seems like the entire company goes on holiday at the same time for quite some time.

Sadly, or not, depending on your point of view, yes, we have a MUCH different perspective of this in the US. It's almost "Sinful" to actually go on vacation. Most people are expected to be "Reachable" all the time, Sat, Sun and vacation.

This gets even worse when you're doing long term projects for customers. I've had MANY customers that would want updates, status etc etc any time they want...which is often times not during working hours.

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2021 2:15 pm
by DennisD
MJuric wrote: Tue Jul 13, 2021 2:09 pm That one isn't a joke....it's true.

I don't know how many European companies you work with but at certain times of the year it's nigh on impossible to get something from them. It seems like the entire company goes on holiday at the same time for quite some time.

Sadly, or not, depending on your point of view, yes, we have a MUCH different perspective of this in the US. It's almost "Sinful" to actually go on vacation. Most people are expected to be "Reachable" all the time, Sat, Sun and vacation.

This gets even worse when you're doing long term projects for customers. I've had MANY customers that would want updates, status etc etc any time they want...which is often times not during working hours.
Hmmmm. DSS is a French company. That explains the rapid response to "fix" their new forum.

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2021 2:23 pm
by MJuric
DennisD wrote: Tue Jul 13, 2021 2:15 pm Hmmmm. DSS is a French company. That explains the rapid response to "fix" their new forum.
I've had many times where I need a part for something and normally it would take 3-4 weeks and it turned into 8-12..."That's when we go on holiday"

Similar situation in China with the New Year.

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2021 2:43 pm
by DennisD
MJuric wrote: Tue Jul 13, 2021 2:23 pm I've had many times where I need a part for something and normally it would take 3-4 weeks and it turned into 8-12..."That's when we go on holiday"

Similar situation in China with the New Year.
True, but the Chinese New Year is only one week. It has never been too big of an inconvenience, at least for me, and I work directly with that area of the world. Some of the excuses I hear for European delays seem much too comfortable blaming the vacation thing. When I hear such excuses I think "The smeller's the feller."

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2021 3:01 pm
by MJuric
DennisD wrote: Tue Jul 13, 2021 2:43 pm True, but the Chinese New Year is only one week. It has never been too big of an inconvenience, at least for me, and I work directly with that area of the world. Some of the excuses I hear for European delays seem much too comfortable blaming the vacation thing. When I hear such excuses I think "The smeller's the feller."
And the Chinese new year is followed by a "Work on Saturday"... Holiday :D

Anytime "The entire place shuts down", at some point it's going to bite you in the rear.

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2021 3:19 pm
by mattpeneguy
DennisD wrote: Tue Jul 13, 2021 2:15 pm Hmmmm. DSS is a French company. That explains the rapid response to "fix" their new forum.
C'mon Dennis, it's summer right now...

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2021 3:48 pm
by DennisD
image.png

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Wed Jul 14, 2021 2:48 am
by KaMei
MJuric wrote: Tue Jul 13, 2021 2:09 pm That one isn't a joke....it's true.

I don't know how many European companies you work with but at certain times of the year it's nigh on impossible to get something from them. It seems like the entire company goes on holiday at the same time for quite some time.

Sadly, or not, depending on your point of view, yes, we have a MUCH different perspective of this in the US. It's almost "Sinful" to actually go on vacation. Most people are expected to be "Reachable" all the time, Sat, Sun and vacation.

This gets even worse when you're doing long term projects for customers. I've had MANY customers that would want updates, status etc etc any time they want...which is often times not during working hours.
Yes, many companies around here do have so-called company holidays, mostly three weeks sometimes during the school holidays of the according state (Germany), in France or Italy it could happen, that the company is closed for a whole month, mostly July and/or August. It is a PITA for those without children or whose children are not in school anymore because you have to go on vacation during that time, whether you like it or not.
As about being available even during holiday, that is not an American thing, it just depends on the person being on holiday. I know some Europeans who are available 24/7 the whole year.

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Wed Jul 14, 2021 2:51 am
by KaMei
CrookedStreet.jpg

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Wed Jul 14, 2021 6:51 am
by DennisD
image.png

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Wed Jul 14, 2021 10:25 am
by mattpeneguy
image.png
'Cause that's the first thing ya do when ya dig something up...ya taste it?

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Wed Jul 14, 2021 10:27 am
by mattpeneguy
image.png

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 15, 2021 8:01 am
by DennisD
image.png

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 15, 2021 8:29 am
by mattpeneguy
image.png

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 15, 2021 8:31 am
by mattpeneguy
image.png

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 15, 2021 8:40 am
by mike miller
mattpeneguy wrote: Thu Jul 15, 2021 8:31 amimage.png
It's called hard rock. :lol:

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 15, 2021 9:24 am
by matt
mike miller wrote: Thu Jul 15, 2021 8:40 am It's called hard rock. :lol:
I wasn't aware that Journey made an industrial 12 inch called Masonry. But then it was the '80s, and it's hard to say what I was doing at any given time...

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 15, 2021 10:05 am
by DennisD
mattpeneguy wrote: Thu Jul 15, 2021 8:31 am
image.png
image.png (319.18 KiB) Viewed 4390 times


C'mon, man! This just requires a diamond tip stylus.

And to @matt's comment about the band Journey. I give them credit for getting me up out of my chair. I can't react fast enough to switch to ANY other band. They shoulda' been gone!

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jul 16, 2021 2:03 am
by KaMei
self-inflicted-insults-1-60ed7a91039b4__700.jpg

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2021 11:49 am
by mattpeneguy
image.png